2 Pillows 2 People

So it was our final class, we don't have to go to the 4th class.  I remembered the blanket and pillows but apparently I am still a dip shit.  I did the math, 2 people 2 pillows and 1 blanket.  We share the blanket and we each get a pillow, I was wrong.  We were in the middle of a very important breathing exercise and the "trainer" pointed out to everyone in the group that I was sitting on a pillow.  That is when I looked around and saw every other good husband/coach sitting on the floor while their pregnant counterparts were sitting on one pillow and leaning back on the other pillow.  Everyone but the idiot husband got a good laugh (Britt couldn't stop laughing.)  I tried a witty response but only made a weird nervous grunt.  I tried to give Britt my pillow but it was too little too late and she didn't want it (or didn't want to make a bigger scene.)

We got our certificate of completion so I think we are clear to have Birkley.  I didn't have to finish a test or sign anything so I kind of think it was a sham, I hope we didn't pay anything.  I now know how to breathe fast and I hope it comes in handy.  I have a feeling when placenta hits the fan, I am going to hope I read a little more and worried a little less about my piss poor pillow etiquette, but at least I can breathe fast.

Now it's a waiting game with a bucket full of horormones.  Britt has actually been awesome with what she is going through.  100+ degrees, "fluffy" feet, the water intake of a horse, me as a coach, no car, and one freak'in pillow.  It's only 6 weeks away.  I did the math, that's only 6 saturdays and 6 sundays.  

We only have a couple things left to do.  We need to finish decorating the nursery, paint a couple doors in our room,  clean house, get my motorcycle done, get a family car, and buy my monkey (Baily won't fit in my sidecar.) 

I can't wait till it's all done so I can relax and get some sleep.

2nd trip to class

I learned an important lesson at the second class.  The husband/coach is a dip shit.  We (I) forgot pillows, blanket, and book.  I thought we may look a little unorganized.  I was wrong.  I looked like an idiot, because the pregnant wife (who makes sure I wear pants during the week) has no resposibility.  So we did it without a blanket or pillows.  It has been a long time since I have been that physically miserable and I can't imagine how Britt felt.  

So we got to watch a couple of natural births and that has made me very glad that I never have to go through it.  I am such a baby, I'm kinda worried about cutting the cord.  It really gave me a whole new respect for what Britt is going to do in September.  We were watching the head go through the pinhole and all I could think about was the layers of stuff I would feel the scissors go through when I cut the cord.  Don't get me wrong, I'm sure I will be in the moment and supporting my wife throughout the birth, but while watching the birth I was watching the husband and what he was suppose to do.  I am still kind of apprehensive about cutting the cord, and this is coming from someone who wants to see the afterbirth.

Back to me being a dip-shit.  As we left, we appologized again for not remembering our pillows and blankets.  The teachers said these exact words;  well it is always his fault so it is a good thing he is cute.  Those are the exact words I tell the guys that work with me when they mess up so they get pissed and don't do it again.  When I say it, I mean it sarcastically.  I kind of hope she meant it as a backhanded compliment.  I had nothing to say to it, I just smiled, hopefully cutely.

 

Hormones

This is where I get into trouble, so I'm going to tip toe around the subject.  This is what we are dealing with:

Ripped up house

Dust everywhere

Dog with no hygiene

Nursery ALMOST done

master room ALMOST done  (both emphasis on almost)

Husband's hygiene kicks in at about 11 pm

Wife is very pregnant (check title)

As of today, the nursery is ready.  This does not mean that it is set up.  What it means is I have everything rewired and repainted.  The new closet is in, the carpet is cleaned, Baily isn't allowed in and we are ready for furniture.  This is a huge landmark in our early parenthood/marriage/project.

I can't wait to set up the crib, I wanted to set it up today but the carpet is still wet so I am on the computer.  Britt is in the nesting stage so I am very happy it is finally done.  I'll set it up tomorrow and Britt will be able to set up the room.  We are still 2 months away but I can watch Birkley moving around, so I am a little motivated.

Baily is still clueless since she was able to have her sister over for a couple days.  If you ever want to watch hormones in action, like I did not, watch an extra dog while all the above is going on.  I want to preface this by saying it was all my fault in many ways.  It wasn't a big deal when they were in the back yard.  It became a big deal when the decided to play in the kiddie pool and mud right before I let them in.  I didn't notice it until it was too late.  There were muddy prints everywhere and Britt went to clean them up after a few words.  I took the rags from her and told her to go to bed.  She was not happy, more not happy then I have ever seen her.  I was kind of scared. 

I found a safe place for the dogs and myself and went to bed and it was all better the next day.  Lesson learned.

No Britt

So the baby weighs about 3.3 pounds and is about 17.5 inches.  She isn't born yet, and is already totally running my life (not ruining, running.)  Brittney left for the weekend and left Baily (the dog) and I to fend for ourselves, we barely made it.  

I fed baily sausage all weekend and forgot to water any of our plants.  I went to put gas in my motorcycle and ended up spending 3 hours sucking oil out of the engine with a turkey baster, and ruining a pair of jeans and shoes in the process.  You may ask yourself  how is he going to raise a human.  That is the same question I was asking myself as I was walking back to my house with pants and shoes soaked with engine oil.

I came to the conclusion, as stupid as it sounds, that if I was thinking about the kind of dad I was going to be two months before the birth, that she may have a chance.  I just need to remember to water her and feed her sausage.

Baby class

Well I haven't worked on the motorcycle yet (and probably won't for a while), but I did get Birkley's closet done.  Now our unborn child has a custom closet, I have a bad feeling about this.  If we are judging by weight, we now have more pink and purple stuff then my gun safe, and two hunting closets combined.  As I am writing this, I have an even worse feeling.  The weird part is that I am a willing participant in the out with the camo/gun stuff and in with the purple/pink stuff.  

When looked at from a distance it looks as if manhood is being completely stripped and I agree.  I am sure I am about 60 days from having an emotional breakdown.  I mean that in a good way. The way I don't even  know yet, but I am sure is going to happen.  It doesn't matter who tells you and how many times they do, I am pretty sure you can not know the feeling of a new child in your life unless you are in the driver's seat.

For a guy I think there are a few holy shit moments in your married life.  I am new to this, so I only know a few (and the rest scare the crap out of me.)  The ones I know go something like this 

Do we really need that many people at the wedding?

I do

This is forever, right?

I can't buy whatever I want?

We are pregnant

It's a girl

many many more to come

We had our first baby class last week, great time.  We had to meet a bunch of people that are also having a baby at about the same time so you think there would be a common thread.  You would be wrong except for the baby part.  You could watch the caravan of people carrying pillows and blankets down a heavily traveled street to the building we were all headed.  To make things worse, we were driving my dad's car because Britt's was in the shop and I can't park my truck where we were going.  This wouldn't be so bad but I gave my dad a goofy father's day gift of a vanity plate saying happiness is being jared's dad that he refuses to take of his car.  This will come into play later.

So the class starts and it's really not so bad.  Breathe in breathe out, dad's (coaches) don't be a jerk, you can't smoke on break, dads (coaches) can't pee during the break, Mcdonalds should give more breaks (we had an employee of the golden arches in the group), baby comes out here, etc.  The only problem I had was the fact that we had to wear stick on name tags and introduce ourselves.  The moms to be had to give the date and name and the "coaches" had to give their name (even though they were stuck to our chests) and tell everyone the characteristic that they want there baby to have that the mother has.  This made for a great time when the people showed up late and had no idea what they were doing.  One guy said "her eyes"....awesome.  I on the other hand was second to go and forgot to tell my name and the lady next to me was kind enough to tell everyone my name (in case they couldn't read it on my chest.)  If you are wondering, I said I hope Birkley has Britt's great attitude towards everything.  (I thought I did pretty well until miss perfect next to me reminded everyone I forgot my name.)  

After that it was smooth sailing.  We got out of the class and headed to our cars.  At that point I remembered I had a big dumb tag on my chest saying JARED and I was getting into a car (parked with everyone else) that said Happiness is being Jared's dad.  That stupid joke has bit me in the ass so many times it isn't funny.  On a side note, if you want to do something stupid like that, make sure it is actually useable.