Teeth wielding bucket head

So we have a toddler now. She is the best thing I have ever done. That being said, her favorite thing is to hit me, her mom and the dog. She now has teeth. I had no idea the implications this might possibly bring. I never thought I would fear being bitten, but here we are. I should clarify, I strongly fear be bitten by random animals and the occasional stranger.

I went to work the other day and a crazy man came up to me and asked me for change, I gave him some and then came to a realization, I didn't want him to bite me either and it cost me $1.35. I am 99% sure he would not have bitten me but I consider that a good investment.

Birkley is now getting more teeth and Brittney has taught her to open her mouth on command so we can stick our fingers in and feel for new teeth. I am so thankful she is not malicious like I was/am when I stick my finger in that little needle trap. I just wonder how long it will be before my genes kick in, whether it be the malicious bite or the attention seeking chomp.

Most kids have a blanket or some stuffed animal they can't live without. Birkley has a plastic bucket she likes to wear as a hat. We took Birkley to get a happy meal one time and it came in a trick or treat pail. She immediately put it on her head, it was a perfect fit and was very cute. It became her "safety blanket." That 5 cent bucket has become her favorite treasure and she wears it constantly. It actually works well as a safety helmet.

I am still stuck with a cute little girl that sports a bucket on her head and is bound to bite me at some point and I would gladly pay anything to have her, even when she bites me.

Haveababyitsagirl

So they say a baby will change you, they are right. I don't like to listen to people but I have to give it to them, they are right. Pretty much all of you were right. Even the stupid sitcoms were right. Everyone was right that already had kids. It is hard to explain how incredibly it impacts your life. One day your wife is miserable and can't sleep and the next, you both cant sleep (dad still sleeps "better" than mom.)

I don't think we could have had a better baby. I know everyone says that, but I look forward to picking up the little spittle machine everyday and listening to her "sing" along to poker face. That is, pathetically enough, the highlight of my day (I sing too.)

I use to plan my after work goals around projects on the house, now my goal is to make B giggle. I would like to know if there is anything, other than hard drugs, that can make you completely forget about your day than making a baby giggle. There is nothing. My hypothesis is that baby spittle is like the mashed potato structure in Encounters of the third kind. Once you have a baby, you can think of nothing else.

If there is anything I love more than a spittling baby, its a sleeping baby. I guarantee there is nothing better than the moment your baby puts her head down on your shoulder. It is the best feeling you have ever had. (That sentence put my brain in a weird spin but I stand by it.) When that baby connects with you and giggles at you and then puts her head down on your shoulder, done. You are done, screwed, I'm not sure how you'd get out of this one. It's gonna be costly, no doubt about it.

Plate's Full

So we now have a gorgeous new baby. She is 4 1/2 months old and I can't imagine or remember what it was like with out her. Her name is Birkley (Birks for short.) There have plenty of projects on the house to keep us busy. We have friends and family spread from Spokane to Minnesota and down to Arizona that we would love to spend time with. At this point in our life, time is commodity that is hard to come by. I am sure it only gets harder to come by.

We visited my grandparents today. After hearing them talk about how fast time goes, I am starting to get it. We have all heard this from our parents, uncles, aunts, grandparents, and great grand parents. From my "research" this is what I have found:

-The older you are, the faster time goes

-The more kids you have, the faster time goes

-The happier you are, the faster time goes

-The busier you get, the faster time goes

This must be some kind of grand joke

Many people base happiness on a relation of time and prosperity (growing old and being wealthy.) For most of us, normal everyday life means working to achieve a goal. Time is arbitrarily attached to that goal, meaning we will be happy once we reach the goal of prosperity. This has to be a "soft" goal. I don't think anyone has ever reached their prosperity goal, there is always room to improve, especially if you are successful. Here comes the punch line surrounded by an oxymoron. If you are driven enough to go 100% toward your goal, you are missing on the family time. If you are driven to go 100% toward family time, you might miss any other "goal" you may have. The key, to me anyway, is to find the right formula. Family, of course comes first, but you need to have enough drive to reach the other goals to support the primary goal of the family. At this point my head itches. Good luck.

Hadababyitsagirl

We have a baby now and her name is Birkley. She is the best baby in the world so far, Britt and I both agree (Baily thinks she's alright.) The birth went great, I slept through most of the labor. Britt started at 2 am and told Jan and I to go back to bed. At 5 we took her to the hospital and the water broke when she stepped out of the car. At 5:45 she went to the waiting room and then to triage. There we found out she was fully dialated and Britt was rushed to the birthing room (too late for an epidural.) This was at about 6:15. At 7:13 Birkley was in our lives. We were ready to go home at noon. We had to wait till the next morning. It couldn't have gone any better.

Master Bedroom pics

FUN TIMES!!!

These are the pretty ladies I am doing this for

The Labor

The first load of 60 sheets

(This sucked to pack up!)

Taking down the 8 foot ceiling

Looking into what will be Britts closet and our new bathroom

Britt's new closet and our bathroom hallway

This is our future bedroom that I was using for a workroom

The mess from taking down the ceiling

New beefed up ceiling with the new soffit for over the bed

Old windows with new walls and electrical

New windows, paint, and bed stuff (and temp. ac)

Britt peeking at ceiling mess 

Looking at my closet and chimney during demo

chimney and closet framed                                                                        chimney painted

Nursery Pics Before and After

This says it all

This is a view looking at the door

going out into the hall.

              

                                                                

                                  

    Here is a picture looking at the closet

                   

 The old closet

The new closet

The Crib

The changing table

2 Pillows 2 People

So it was our final class, we don't have to go to the 4th class.  I remembered the blanket and pillows but apparently I am still a dip shit.  I did the math, 2 people 2 pillows and 1 blanket.  We share the blanket and we each get a pillow, I was wrong.  We were in the middle of a very important breathing exercise and the "trainer" pointed out to everyone in the group that I was sitting on a pillow.  That is when I looked around and saw every other good husband/coach sitting on the floor while their pregnant counterparts were sitting on one pillow and leaning back on the other pillow.  Everyone but the idiot husband got a good laugh (Britt couldn't stop laughing.)  I tried a witty response but only made a weird nervous grunt.  I tried to give Britt my pillow but it was too little too late and she didn't want it (or didn't want to make a bigger scene.)

We got our certificate of completion so I think we are clear to have Birkley.  I didn't have to finish a test or sign anything so I kind of think it was a sham, I hope we didn't pay anything.  I now know how to breathe fast and I hope it comes in handy.  I have a feeling when placenta hits the fan, I am going to hope I read a little more and worried a little less about my piss poor pillow etiquette, but at least I can breathe fast.

Now it's a waiting game with a bucket full of horormones.  Britt has actually been awesome with what she is going through.  100+ degrees, "fluffy" feet, the water intake of a horse, me as a coach, no car, and one freak'in pillow.  It's only 6 weeks away.  I did the math, that's only 6 saturdays and 6 sundays.  

We only have a couple things left to do.  We need to finish decorating the nursery, paint a couple doors in our room,  clean house, get my motorcycle done, get a family car, and buy my monkey (Baily won't fit in my sidecar.) 

I can't wait till it's all done so I can relax and get some sleep.

2nd trip to class

I learned an important lesson at the second class.  The husband/coach is a dip shit.  We (I) forgot pillows, blanket, and book.  I thought we may look a little unorganized.  I was wrong.  I looked like an idiot, because the pregnant wife (who makes sure I wear pants during the week) has no resposibility.  So we did it without a blanket or pillows.  It has been a long time since I have been that physically miserable and I can't imagine how Britt felt.  

So we got to watch a couple of natural births and that has made me very glad that I never have to go through it.  I am such a baby, I'm kinda worried about cutting the cord.  It really gave me a whole new respect for what Britt is going to do in September.  We were watching the head go through the pinhole and all I could think about was the layers of stuff I would feel the scissors go through when I cut the cord.  Don't get me wrong, I'm sure I will be in the moment and supporting my wife throughout the birth, but while watching the birth I was watching the husband and what he was suppose to do.  I am still kind of apprehensive about cutting the cord, and this is coming from someone who wants to see the afterbirth.

Back to me being a dip-shit.  As we left, we appologized again for not remembering our pillows and blankets.  The teachers said these exact words;  well it is always his fault so it is a good thing he is cute.  Those are the exact words I tell the guys that work with me when they mess up so they get pissed and don't do it again.  When I say it, I mean it sarcastically.  I kind of hope she meant it as a backhanded compliment.  I had nothing to say to it, I just smiled, hopefully cutely.

 

Hormones

This is where I get into trouble, so I'm going to tip toe around the subject.  This is what we are dealing with:

Ripped up house

Dust everywhere

Dog with no hygiene

Nursery ALMOST done

master room ALMOST done  (both emphasis on almost)

Husband's hygiene kicks in at about 11 pm

Wife is very pregnant (check title)

As of today, the nursery is ready.  This does not mean that it is set up.  What it means is I have everything rewired and repainted.  The new closet is in, the carpet is cleaned, Baily isn't allowed in and we are ready for furniture.  This is a huge landmark in our early parenthood/marriage/project.

I can't wait to set up the crib, I wanted to set it up today but the carpet is still wet so I am on the computer.  Britt is in the nesting stage so I am very happy it is finally done.  I'll set it up tomorrow and Britt will be able to set up the room.  We are still 2 months away but I can watch Birkley moving around, so I am a little motivated.

Baily is still clueless since she was able to have her sister over for a couple days.  If you ever want to watch hormones in action, like I did not, watch an extra dog while all the above is going on.  I want to preface this by saying it was all my fault in many ways.  It wasn't a big deal when they were in the back yard.  It became a big deal when the decided to play in the kiddie pool and mud right before I let them in.  I didn't notice it until it was too late.  There were muddy prints everywhere and Britt went to clean them up after a few words.  I took the rags from her and told her to go to bed.  She was not happy, more not happy then I have ever seen her.  I was kind of scared. 

I found a safe place for the dogs and myself and went to bed and it was all better the next day.  Lesson learned.

No Britt

So the baby weighs about 3.3 pounds and is about 17.5 inches.  She isn't born yet, and is already totally running my life (not ruining, running.)  Brittney left for the weekend and left Baily (the dog) and I to fend for ourselves, we barely made it.  

I fed baily sausage all weekend and forgot to water any of our plants.  I went to put gas in my motorcycle and ended up spending 3 hours sucking oil out of the engine with a turkey baster, and ruining a pair of jeans and shoes in the process.  You may ask yourself  how is he going to raise a human.  That is the same question I was asking myself as I was walking back to my house with pants and shoes soaked with engine oil.

I came to the conclusion, as stupid as it sounds, that if I was thinking about the kind of dad I was going to be two months before the birth, that she may have a chance.  I just need to remember to water her and feed her sausage.

Baby class

Well I haven't worked on the motorcycle yet (and probably won't for a while), but I did get Birkley's closet done.  Now our unborn child has a custom closet, I have a bad feeling about this.  If we are judging by weight, we now have more pink and purple stuff then my gun safe, and two hunting closets combined.  As I am writing this, I have an even worse feeling.  The weird part is that I am a willing participant in the out with the camo/gun stuff and in with the purple/pink stuff.  

When looked at from a distance it looks as if manhood is being completely stripped and I agree.  I am sure I am about 60 days from having an emotional breakdown.  I mean that in a good way. The way I don't even  know yet, but I am sure is going to happen.  It doesn't matter who tells you and how many times they do, I am pretty sure you can not know the feeling of a new child in your life unless you are in the driver's seat.

For a guy I think there are a few holy shit moments in your married life.  I am new to this, so I only know a few (and the rest scare the crap out of me.)  The ones I know go something like this 

Do we really need that many people at the wedding?

I do

This is forever, right?

I can't buy whatever I want?

We are pregnant

It's a girl

many many more to come

We had our first baby class last week, great time.  We had to meet a bunch of people that are also having a baby at about the same time so you think there would be a common thread.  You would be wrong except for the baby part.  You could watch the caravan of people carrying pillows and blankets down a heavily traveled street to the building we were all headed.  To make things worse, we were driving my dad's car because Britt's was in the shop and I can't park my truck where we were going.  This wouldn't be so bad but I gave my dad a goofy father's day gift of a vanity plate saying happiness is being jared's dad that he refuses to take of his car.  This will come into play later.

So the class starts and it's really not so bad.  Breathe in breathe out, dad's (coaches) don't be a jerk, you can't smoke on break, dads (coaches) can't pee during the break, Mcdonalds should give more breaks (we had an employee of the golden arches in the group), baby comes out here, etc.  The only problem I had was the fact that we had to wear stick on name tags and introduce ourselves.  The moms to be had to give the date and name and the "coaches" had to give their name (even though they were stuck to our chests) and tell everyone the characteristic that they want there baby to have that the mother has.  This made for a great time when the people showed up late and had no idea what they were doing.  One guy said "her eyes"....awesome.  I on the other hand was second to go and forgot to tell my name and the lady next to me was kind enough to tell everyone my name (in case they couldn't read it on my chest.)  If you are wondering, I said I hope Birkley has Britt's great attitude towards everything.  (I thought I did pretty well until miss perfect next to me reminded everyone I forgot my name.)  

After that it was smooth sailing.  We got out of the class and headed to our cars.  At that point I remembered I had a big dumb tag on my chest saying JARED and I was getting into a car (parked with everyone else) that said Happiness is being Jared's dad.  That stupid joke has bit me in the ass so many times it isn't funny.  On a side note, if you want to do something stupid like that, make sure it is actually useable.  

  

Results yet to come

We had the Spokane baby shower and I can't believe how generous all our friends and family have been. Not only here, but also in Billings. It is pretty incredible how much love there is out there. Britt and I are extremely lucky to have the friends and family that we have. There is no way I could thank everyone enough. I showed up at the end of the shower and was completely overwhelmed. Thanks to everyone that came for the shower, and especially the clark aunts that came all the way for 2 days. It meant a lot to Britt and I.

No pictures yet but the first phase of the project is coming to an end. We (I) will start painting Thursday. I think I am looking more forward to getting to the Birkley's room more then I am to finishing ours. We can't wait to set up Birkley's room with all the great things that were given to us at the showers. Baily (the dog) has already tried to claim some of Birkley's toys so I need to get the room done so they have a safe place.

Now I think the only thing I can do for my pregnant wife is buy a motorcycle to build, so I did. It went over surprisingly well. This is how it went down. Everything is sheetrocked, tapers will be here monday, I love the bedding and colors you picked out, you are very pretty pregnant, I'll have the doors done on sunday, you are very pretty pretty pregnant, I'll get the windows in next week, I can't believe you can carry a baby in that skinny frame, I bought a motorcycle and I love you and you are very pretty.

It almost went smoothly.

by-by-by memorial day weekend

So I just figured out that my wife, my baby and my dog's name begin with B and end with Y. What the hell were we thinking, I never thought I would have the family with names that match, whether it be first name letters, middle names, or anything else, but here I am. Not only do we have first letters, but they damn near rhyme. I tried to get Britt to change her name but that didn't work and Birkley is pretty much set. I tried to rename the dog, but the bitch wouldn't respond. We are soon to be the family with sappy almost rhyming names, sorry everybody I did what I could. I guess we still have nicknames, do what you will.

Memorial day weekend

I love this weekend. Most of the time I used to work through it and get a couple days off later to go fishing/camping/whatever the hell I wanted to do when nobody was around. I remember a couple of times when I was able to go out with friends to a lake that nobody knew about and go camping. I loved it, it was one of the few times I got to go camping in the year. I used to go way up north where nobody knew where I was, it was great, absolutely great. I never thought it could get better.

This year I am loading up my tools, wife, and friend and driving 7 hours to go to my in laws. We are going to our first baby shower. I am going to work on a basement all weekend and then pack up a bunch of pink and purple stuff in my truck and then head back the 7 hours to home. The surprising thing is that I am looking forward to every part of the extended weekend. When I break it down, think about it, and write it down it is very surprising to me how excited I am. I think the most exciting thing to me is that after this weekend, I get to go back to work on our project house.

I think Birkley is making me pretty pathetic.

Banana

Baby Pictures

It's a girl (notice the arrow)

That's the soft spot not a receding hair-line

Thumbs up     Letting us know everything is ok in there

Right now our baby girl is the size of a banana.  I'm not sure what to be suprised by more, the fact that the baby is as big as a banana or the fact that I just found out that the baby is a girl.  I thought I would be excited when I found out what sex the baby was, but I was suprised by what happened when I was in the "big" ultrasound.  Little did I know that before we find out what sex the baby was, we would measure every possible vital organ/bone not to mention head.   My mind went quickly to what kind of baby to I hope everything is ok.  It was pretty nerve wracking to watch the tech measure and record measurements of your baby when you have no idea what is going on.  Our tech was very good telling us what she was doing, but I became very anxious with each measurement.  By the time I found out what sex she was, I was relieved that everything else was ok.  I almost wonder if this is done on purpose. 

     Personally, I didn't care what we are going to have.  I speak for both of us when I say that we are very excited to invite Birkley into our lives.  So Britt is able to feel her moving and I am looking forward to when I can feel her as well.  It is pretty incredible to be able to put a sex, let alone a name, to a child that is about to come into your life.  I have started to think 1,5,10,15, even 20 years ahead.  It's a lot different now and it is exciting and kind of scares the crap out of me.  Game on.

cantaloupe

So we hopefully find out what kind we are having on Friday, big day for us.  The last picture we have was at ten weeks when the baby was about an inch and a half.  Now the baby is the size of a cantaloupe.  Apparently at that size, you can see if there are testicles (my wife may have testicles.)  I am told this will pass.  At this point, I could care less what we are having as long as it is healthy.  I know this is the thing to say, but I am here and that's exactly what I'm thinking.

As for our projects, our windows are done and the demo is done on the master bedroom.  We have a lot more to finish up.  

paternal Nesting part 2 (operation fuster cluck)

So here are a few pictures of our new bedroom

Paternal Nesting

Never heard of paternal nesting?    me either.  I was thinking about this when I was ripping down the ceiling in our new master bedroom.  You see, the baby is getting the perfectly fine master bedroom we are in now.  If that isn't bad enough, we need new windows and a new closet for the baby in the room that was perfectly good enough for its parents as it stands now.  You may think that this is me venting because I don't want to do the work, but you are wrong.  I would have thought the same thing myself about a year ago.  Now, I want the baby to have a perfect room.  The irony here is that it wouldn't know if it was living in the basement in a box as long as it was taken care of.  This is where paternal nesting comes in.

The way I see it now is as follows:

I will be riding in a cart that I rigged my dog to pull and my kid will be driving a very nice electric car that I sold my perfectly good truck for.  We will also refinance the house for his/her college (hopefully a cheap college like montana.)  This is just for the first child that I am excited for, God help the second one.  I now know what happened to them (sorry Heather and Clark.)

This is obviously just joking around and I can't wait to have the kid we are about to have.    

super bird

So no one knows what that title means but me, Britt, and Baily, but I like it.  Baily has a favorite toy and we call it the "super bird."  I watched Britt come down our stairs and tell Baily (the dog) to get "super bird."  No big deal unless you are me.  What I saw is my gorgeous wife coming downstairs and telling Baily to get her favorite toy.   This also is not a big deal, unless you are in my shoes.  This is the first time I really saw Britt showing.  I wish I knew how to express how I feel when this happened but I really don't know how to show what is going on in my head.  This is the best I can do.

Wife is a nice word, I like it and I like having one.  Britt is the best wife I could have ever asked for.  She is everything I could have ever wanted.  That was enough, but to have her give us a child, blows me away.  To watch her come downstairs with a little belly is the best.  I can't remember ever been happier.  I know there is a lot of work ahead but I can't wait and I'll take all the challenges parenthood has to offer.  (Said by a true almost father)  

As dumb as it sounds, I am impressed/excited/moved at the attention that Britt gives the dog while she is pregnant/tired/sick.  Her energy blows me away and inspires me at the same time.   She has not missed a day of work or a day of dance.  Her work didn't even know she was pregnant till she told them when she was in her second trimester.  I know it isn't a contest but she is making me look bad.  My grandpa laughed at me after he asked me how long she was planning on dancing and I told him an hour (he was asking how long into the pregnancy.)

She will dance until she can't and we are still planning on going to the Montana football games until she can't (we already have season tickets.)  She is a remarkable lady and I am very lucky to have her.  We are very excited to welcome a new baby to the family.

PS  We'll know the kind of baby May first if everything goes well

PSS  Thanks for the football tickets Rich

Avacodo

So we got to hear the avacodos heartbeat (as of today, the baby is the size of an avacodo.) We also made the appointment to find out what flavor we're having,  it's starting to get real.  We have the windows ordered, closet plans drawn, high chair put together, crib on its way, and a fake cow on wheels (the dog is petrified of the fake cow.) 

    (Four carpet spots were harmed in the making of this picture.)

 Only four things left to do:

-install windows and closet in baby's room

-remodel master bedroom

-put in master bathroom

-get baby stuff for baby

I'm sure after I get all this done it's going to be a piece of cake.

First Picture

    So Britt is back and so are the updates of where the baby is developmentally.  I get updates daily about what the baby is developing and how big it is that day.  I am used to this by now but every once in a while I step out of the situation and I am amazed by what is going on.  It's hard to believe that in about 7 months we will have a baby that is roughly 6-9 pounds and right now it is only 1.5" long and just started forming the organs.  I love to hear the progression of our fetus related to the size of a fruit and or berry. 
   I know pretty much everyone reading this has been through this, but it is pretty amazing when you are in the middle of it.  On a daily basis, I get updates like, our baby now just formed limbs, our baby just formed ears, or our baby now has brain waves.  It didn't quite hit me until we went in for our first ultrasound.  I was figuring we would see a little blurb because it was only 10 weeks.  This is what we saw

    Now seeing this picture is no big deal, I was prepared for it, I had seen other "fathers to be" go through it and had seen their pictures. YOU WILL SEE SOON ENOUGH.  These are words that were told to me  that I brushed off.  Now I know what they were saying.  Holy S*** the little thing moved.  Nobody told me that.  I thought I was all cool going in and the little thing, that looked human already, moved.  This blew me away.  I am sure that my face dropped.  After I saw it kick and move it's arm, not to mention it's human shape, my life changed.  I got life insurance.  On a side note, that is the umbilical cord, this is not a donkey.